Whirring

I can't stop thinking about last night. Moot planning, pizza, cake, walking with you. I spent all afternoon looking forward to seeing you. I wish I could have seen you longer. Age isn't an issue. I'm happy to hear that for once. 


As time passes I'm realizing more and more how serious my self esteem problem is. If I have to ask a cute boy to stop complementing me then I think there's a issue.. 


I don't believe in false hope. I don't believe in building something up. I don't like lying to myself. I feel like I should though. But then I'm repeating high school in a lot of ways...masking my emotions. I don't like doing that. I'm a happier person. 


I looked back to my older blog....I can't believe how much as changed. In fact this has me thinking about the summer. I will take 3 classes and survive. I will hike, photograph,camp, see friends, party , work. It'll be great. 


Yesterday was a long but wonderful day. Wrote 2 quizzes, gave a speech. I have 1 speech, 2 finals, 1 group project, 1 paper, and my Un Simulation. Then freedom. 


Doctor. Please call. The longer the wait the more nervous I get.


Maybe that's what it is...after this surgery..what if I regret it? What if I regret my decision? 


I hope we can be friends eventually. I feel like that may never happen sometimes. 


The Usual Suspects have really split apart. More so then last year. I'm curious to see how the summer will play out because of it.


I'm going to Kelowna. Must buy passes today. History paper I must finish and cite. I hate citing. I'm looking forward to working in the brilliant sunshine. Maybe getting some colour on my face. Mind you I love the snow white look. 


Can't believe it's almost April. 


I'm looking forward to you returning to Vancouver but now I'm not sure what will happen with us. 


Oh my heart . 
//

Young Blood

Things on my mind
- Kelowna
- You
- School 
- Summer Semester
- Surgery 
- Birthday
- Moot
- Still You
- The fact that I might be falling hard for somebody
- Roger Waters


I'm going to Rammstein now too. Hurrah for people who can't make shows and I get there tickets. 


Went to the states with my Dad. We don't really hang out just the two of us. We have been now just because my sister and mother are off travelling. 


This weekend the weather is suppose to be sunny and wonderful. I'm pleased about this. Today I debate a skirt . 


Brad has got to be one of the best friends I could ever ask for me. And is going to help me with a contest but I gotta keep that on the hush.


I fell of the wagon with working out but I still lost a bit more weight. Just gotta keep it up best I can. 


Snow Patrol and Coldplay next month. Should be sick. 
//

You're the Hugh Hefner of Women

That's what I got called today by one of my classmates. Then another calling me "Lady of the Night"


I have some truly wonderful and interesting friends. I have met some fascinating people at school and throughout the scouting movement. 


Today was suppose to be bad. Yesterday was bad. Tuesday was great. 50/50 pie cuddles. I like you I think. I think you like me too. Question is you don't know what you really want. Plus you seem to be a little hesitant with committing. 


Wednesday I had to cancel beavers due to the fact that I didn't have enough leaders. Had mother and sister not left that day for travel . Oh well. I hardly ever cancel and no one was upset about it. 


Today i woke up with a pounding headache and couldn't breathe. I can feel Spring beginning. It's my least favourite season. 


Tonight i went out for pizza with classmates then i went bowling with some friends. I hung with Brad and it felt weird. I see him almost every week but I didn't last week. We don't talk everyday but we manage to have our awesome friendship. 


It's crunch time. Moot, Finals, working every weekend. People keep asking me how I manage to work do school, scouting and pursue boys. Time management skills. If there's one thing I can do well. it's that. 


I registered for summer courses. Might have to drop if I get surgery in May. Which would be good and bad. I think about that late at night. I don't really hate hospitals but I don't like tubes going into me. 


I hope the weather is less stormy this weekend . Mother nature has been extra crazy this week. I feel like she's testing me. 


I should sleep....it's been a long day and I have a lot to do tomorrow..
//

Halocene

Bon Iver is returning to Vancouver. More specifically Deer Lake Park. I'd happily see him. This time I can get close to the stage and be in awe of his voice.


Reading break was a success. RoVent had 6 inches of snow, warm temperatures and many a wonderful friend. There's a boy? There's always a boy. I'm sorry that the wonder couple will not happen but maybe it's for the better. You really are one of my best friends and I don't know what I'd do with out you. Tuesday night drinking. I enjoy walking in the rain. Thursday was the Arms pub. I kept hearing about this place but was never able to go. I will never consume a red dragon again. That much I have learned.


7 pounds lost.  Cheated a couple times with pop. March I commit to detox. No facebook or twitter for a week. No pop or sugar drinks for all of March. (This means less partying hard..or if I do. lots of gin and tonics) but I'm trying to save money anyway. Mind you my bill thursday was 20 bucks. Thank god for pre drinking.


I met up with TCN friday. I miss Matt and Ryan a lot. I wish I saw them more. Pizza , laughs and good conversation. Enjoy the small things in life. I worked all weekend. Saturday was a  Said the Whale listening party. They debuted 15 new music videos to go with there new album Little Mountain. There was Q and A afterwards. I got to ask the lead singer what size his ears were stretched to . I call that a decent saturday night.


Sunday was the Oscars. The only awards show I care about. Overall pleased with results. Some have been calling the Oscars boring this year. You can't win. Either an awards show is boring or it's too over the top. There is no pleasing the masses.


One midterm then papers then it's the long haul till schools out. Registering for Summer Classes. Surgery was tentative sadly I must cancel due to finals. I'm co camp chief for a Rover Moot. M*A*S*H themed no less. It should be good times for sure.


Megadeth was my first real Heavy Metal show. I wore all black. I felt like it was Grade 10 again...except I wore a lot of makeup. Lacuna Coil has amazing female vocalist. Volbeat has some wicked guitar. Motorhead had a 10 minute drum solo and the drumsticks were juggled. In fact Matthew got a broken piece. Megadeth blew my mind...and probably my ear drums. I can't believe the show didn't sell out. It was beyond epic.


Midterm tomorrow. Snow Fall warning in effect...things are about to get interesting.
//

Now You're Just Somebody that I use to know

Hey gotye? You're awesome. 


I broke 8,000 songs on my Ipod awhile ago. I felt this was rather interesting considering how much music I really listen to in a week. 


Last weekend? Amazing. 


Thursday (I count that as the start of the weekend) I went to LMFAO. This is the kind of music that gets me judged. Right up there with Skrillex and Deadmau5 . Regardless I party rocked and was covered in champagne. Sweet sticky deliciousness. 

After the show I went off to a house party at Brad's. Not gonna lie I don't think I've partied that hard in a long time. Regardless it was a blast . Super Troopers ftw. 


Then Friday was the Beaver Sleepover. Pizzas cookies games indoor campfire. No injuries. They went to bed at 10:30 and slept till 8am the next day . I was beyond shocked


Then I had some retail therapy yay cheap hoodies and zombie tshirts. Then that night i went out with Mizz Bruce and my sister to These Kids Wear Crowns, All Time Low, Marianas Trench and Simple Plan (oh god I know)


Amazing show. I'm not a huge fan of simple plan but they entertained me and nothing can be as bad as how bored I was at Bedouin Soundclash. 

Sunday I vegged out. 


So far this week is off to a great start. I'm on track for school. I just need more electives. I have a tentative surgery date that's awesome. I've maintained my weight and I can see my tshirts fitting better again. RoVent is this weekend I'm stoked. 


Next week reading break..which will only be a little bit of a break. I'm looking forward to sleep
//

Pessimist, Optimist, Realist

3 words that have been lingering in my brain. At one point (maybe even several) I was depressed. I didn't see a point of continuing on with my life if i didn't get into University. I masked a lot of my emotions and put on a smile.


I can safely say I've improved since then. I consider myself a realist. I'm not terribly optimistic because I hate false hope and building things up to much. 


That being said 2012 ..so far it's been hard to be optimistic about.


This week has been good so far because of Uncle John whom I could go on for hours about how wonderful he is. I've dropped 2 pounds. It's a start. I'm drinking protein shakes so i'm finding myself with more energy. I'm not asking to be a stick but I'm hoping to just get more fit and be able to flaunt it this coming summer. 


It's February this means it's but 2 months or so till May. I can't wait till you come back to Vancouver you made last summer. 


May 26th. Counting down. So excited.


I miss my friends. I'm stuck in a catch 22. I'm meeting with a counsellor next week to figure out my school plan so that will be one thing out of the way. I booked my midterm. Since I have one i will rock it so hard. I have papers to start prepping for, a business report as well as a presentation outside of my public speaking course.


I gave my human injustice speech Tuesday. I spoke about our legal system and how it isn't giving any justice. I managed to shock..and I'm pretty sure scare most of my classmates. 


I like beanies and scarves. And regardless of opinion I like the way I wear my makeup but I appreciate everyone's thoughts. Make up is my thing. It's what I do. 


No beavers tonight. Just reading, shopping possibly, and some working out. 


Tomorrow.


Party Rocking
//

Never Gonna Break, Never Gonna Break

Child? July? Congratulations are in order . She seems happy. So I'm happy for her. 


I made a list of 20 things to do in my 20th year. I've done one so far. I went a whole week without make up. To those who know me so well , they know how addicted I am to it. I don't even know when I started to really wear make up I would say the tail end of Grade 10. Right when i started to look more punky and funky. 


I just got more and more used to it. Now I feel almost naked without it. But I did it. I did enjoy the extra time I had in the morning since I wasn't using 10 minutes to paint my face. And people kept telling me on how much better I look without it. People kept telling me how I have such amazing skin and that I don't even need foundation. 


Sadly make up is one of the few things I can do in which i can feel very pretty. I feel comfortable enough to walk outside and feel some what comfortable in my own skin. In fact even at jamboree I wore make up to opening and closing. But that was it. 


Camp and work might be the only two places that I am ok with not wearing make up. Work frowns upon my make up style. It's all about the "natural look"


Classes are good. I'm rocking my speeches, did ok on first poli sci quiz and will be rocking my papers and presentations due in the next little while. 


I'm actually logging my food, counting calories and trying to be more active. I spent my afternoon today prepping for Beavers and doing sit ups instead of just sitting in front of the computer screen like I am now. 


Tomorrow full day of class and then getting smashed with my ladies. I fully approve of this idea. I'm curious to see if get an answer. i prefer answers instead of just being avoided. 


Weekend will consist of work and charlie winston with best friend. I approve and am so excited. 


Time to put pants on again. 
//