Baby Blue Eyes

Currently playing the title song by A Rocket to the Moon. 


Sometimes life is odd. In fact I'm not sure what the universe's grand plan is right now. 


My extra shift I ended up getting sent home early but hey 6 hours is better then nothing. Did well on first CMNS 220 assignment...which is good because I felt I bombed it. Writing in Uni is so subjective . At least that's how I feel.


I got an A on my first speech. Thank you job for making me desensitized to nerves. I don't even notice the adrenaline any more. Wrote my first Poli Sci Quiz I think it went well. 


But that's not why I'm smiling internet. I smile when I think of Poli Sci because of the hottie that sits two rows ahead of me. I met him actually in the caf and then found out he was in my class. We have potential plans. Why am I telling you this ? I haven't gone on a real date since October not because I couldn't get one but because I was still too freaked out. 


I blame myself a lot. And I blame myself for how things ended in my last relationship. Because as soon as it ended things seemed to get worse... and I felt as if I contributed to his cynic view. 


That being said I've been chatting this guy up with some hopes and I'm glad that I have some confidence in myself to ask someone out without total fear of rejection. 


Here's hoping the universe does my a solid and let's things work out in my favour. 


Work this weekend then school , then begins February aka the month of epic concerts , snow camping, and reading break. 


I hope this semester flies by a certain someone returns to Vancouver in May (and I'm not just talking about Roger Waters which by the way I'm fucking stoked about)


I don't know if I'm seeking a boyfriend or just hoping to casually date. But whatever happens I welcome with an open mind. 
//

Rows of Houses

It's the song I'm currently listening to. Thank you Dan Mangan for writing on song with the inspiration being one of my favourite films .


So internet what's happened recently? I scratched my cornia friday . So I missed my lG pop band with Mizz Bruce. but I did see City and Colour the night before. My god that was wonderful. I adore Dallas Green's voice and guitar. 


I've also discovered a new band from that show called The Low Anthem. Top song by them being Charlie Darwin. Look it up. It's very soulful and beautiful.


My eye is healing up nicely and I'm bound to glasses for 2 weeks sadly. As well this week I have begun my 20 things to do in my 20th year challenge. One being no make up for a whole week. I started yesterday. I already feel naked. 


I'm very dependent on make up. I know this. I have been since probably the end of Grade 10 beginning of Grade 11. It was something I could do and play with and I really feel it makes me more attractive. Ah self esteem issues I look forward to the day when I shall be over you. 


Mind you things have improved since. I don't think I'm ugly. Never have. I just don't think I'm all that special. Pretty average to be honest. 


What else? School is great. I have such motivation to read and stay on top of it. ...I literally have so much motivation to do everything but go to the gym. But I will get there and a change in eating habits has happened. Wish me luck as always.


I've gotten over the idea that I need to be skinny. I guess I've never really thought that. I just hate how some of my clothes show certain parts of me that I'm embarassed by. In fact I honestly just want some muscle! I remember back when I played soccer I had some wicked muscles in my leg...they have come back with treadmill and walking up the hill to school 4 days a week !


I just need to get the ball rolling and it will all fall into place. 


I saw the film Tinker Tailor Solider Spy over the weekend. What an amazing film. I have now acquired the book and am now reading. 


The wind made for an interesting day at work. Motivation to job hunt? yes. Plus it's high time I find somewhere closer to work. 


Here's to a long week of school plus 3 shifts a work . I picked up an extra shift . That'll be nice on the next pay cheque. 
//

Getting Started

I am trying to get things started internet but it's hard. I'm in such a funk and I have no idea why. However the first week back to school wasn't the worst. I went to MM had some fun but I am not sure if I will be attending again. Money and time and commuting home will be a big factor.

I enjoy all my classes and I only have 2 finals and one midterm. I am beyond pleased by this. Considering I am taking one less course this semester.

I have 2 concerts this week and am stoked for both.

Beaver's last week was a little hard. The meeting was so quiet and it felt like something was missing.

I will miss them. I will not forget. Death be not proud.

Once the snow dissapears I will work on driving more. I have rebooked my test and am pleased with the date I have chosen. I went to yoga twice this past week and my back feels somewhat better. However my neck is in a bit of pain

I took some photos over the weekend at the Railway Club I just need to go through them.

I need to sort my feelings out towards myself.....it's quite the problem.

I need to start figuring out work....and what I am going to do about it

Let's get going internet.
//

Trying to find the In between..

I will not be sad. I will not feel lonely. I don't care if the pub was a couples retreat...that's the first time I have been the one WITHOUT the boyfriend.


I will book my flight. I will go see you. I will have an adventure.


I will see shows. I will have more experiences.


I will rock school.


I will go to the gym 3 times a week. I WILL FORM A ROUTINE.


I will keep yoga up. I will try Bikram. Zumba and other things!


I will challenge myself.


I will survive my surgery....and the change will be great. 


I will find a new job.


I will take a summer semester (job and surgery pending)


This year will be something to remember...something to grow and learn from.


//

Afternoon

I spent afternoon with ex. It was 2 hours of cynicism. Even I'm not that depressing. Least in real life...we're all different on the internet. We are still not out of the awkward stage. It sucks but life goes. I have bigger problems. I deposited money in bank account and have enjoyed kicking this colds ass. I spent the afternoon photographing the sights and sounds. I need a tripod. Otherwise go me for understanding more about photographing at night. 


Tomorrow is Pay Day.Yes.


I work tomorrow. Please don't be windy. Please please please please. 


This is my last weekend of full time work. My god. Break went by fast.


Books for school are on there way. This pleases me. Very much excited for the new semester. I went to the gym with my cold and did better then expected. I have a very petty reason to be motivated to workout but it works. 


I will go on Monday. Start my routine for everything. 


Organization will happen. 

2012

New years did not start well. Ripped stockings confusing emotions and then realization of death made for a crying Cheezie. I did not wish to be the drunk girl at the party that everyone gets annoyed by.


Thus why I left.


I worked the next day with sore eyes and cried more before my shift. I lost 2 beavers and there mother to car accident. It's senseless and unfair. I still can't sleep well and I found this out almost 2 weeks ago now...


But it's ok internet. Grief is something we all struggle with and death is but a part of life. In fact today marks 3 years since my Aunty Nelly passed away. I will never forget Uncle John's Eulogy


"Today is the only certainty we have"


With this statement in mind I've made a list of 20 things I will do this year. This being because I am turning 20. I have also made 4 major goals like I did last year

1. Find closer work
2. Form a daily routine with gym, work, school, scouting and stick to it
3. Try and test for my liscence at LEAST once. 
4. Duke Trip. Plan it and do it this summer.

The list of 20 involves various goals which I am still tweaking. I enjoy lists. and making them. It's good structure.


Today was a long day on the mountain. I'm debating going out but cold like things are making me question it. 


I had a lovely quiet Christmas. Great Aunt chose to skip Christmas with us which is lame but fine I guess. I got some lovely gifts had some delicious dinner and it was just nice to be home . 


2012 has a lot in store for me. 2011 overall was interesting. I grew up a lot. Got a better job, got some awards, turned 19, scars on my leg, floor concerts, PJ 2011, various boys causing me grief, completion of 1st year and switching into a BCS. (bachelor of communication studies)


Here's to achieving it all internet. 
//