Today would have been the day...

Had things turned out differently. Had I not wanted different things. Had the break actually been successful and you gave me my space. Today would have been 2 years for us.


I wonder if we will ever reach a norm? You asking for a CD back is not such..


So today was kinda awesome and it wasn't suppose to be. Kayla's dad gave me his ticket to the Black Key's show at Deer Lake which was rather wonderful. I went driving worked out then went to the concert!


Cage the Elephant did a great opening and the Black Keys just rocked it. I consumed pizza mini donuts and got myself a wicked tshirt. My mother asked me if I buy one after every show I see and I said....well not every single one. Teeehee.


T-minus one day till PJ. I am still stoked. Got some epic plans for it and I can't wait to meet everyone. 
//

Dropkick Murphy's

Talk about epic nights. Last night with my friends Michael and Matthew I went to see the Drop Kick Murphy's at the Commodore Ballroom. In which i consumed a jaggerbomb 3 whisky sours and double long island ice tea. I met two guys from the Yukon who barriacded around us so that I wouldn't die from moshing.


I got up on stage and sang with the Band. My leg has a lovely gash on it because of it but my god was it ever worth it! 


I have two gym workouts a driving lesson plus a bunch of girly shopping and other girly things before PJ 11. Which is only 3 days away as of today. I am so excited internet. I can't even explain.


It's funny how you want it back but yet haven't made much of an effort to get it. Seriously. What is your deal?


True Blood Season 4 premiers tonight. Another thing I'm stoked for. I think I might go take my doggies for a walk. Get some Vitamin D with the gorgeous sun that has finally revealed itself. 


My mind is racing. So much to look foward to. It's wonderful
//

On Holiday. If Only For Awhile

I took a few days off before PJ. Because I really needed a break. I am however gonna miss whilst at camp not just because of money but I really like the people and the overall atmosphere of where I work.


So here's my weekend

• 1130 consult with lasers....
• Hang with Keith get music from him!
• Clean pack for the night
• Head out to Ridge
• Party hard
• Wake Up Go home clean to go an Open House
• Meet the Canucks? (hopefully I shall)
• Get dolled up and go downtown
• Drop Kick Murphies
• Pass out at home

So yeah. It's gonna be interesting. Plus I have to pack for PJ. And try and buy some stuff that I'll need whilst away. 


Also. As much as I'm excited to party with them Rovers.....I really hope you'll be civil. Mind you we don't even talk so it doesn't really matter....it's all up to you.
//

Too Little Too Late.

I think I've missed my chance with ya. And maybe it's for the better. Right now is not the time. And maybe it will never be the right time. But whatever happens happens......no worries for now.

Currently on the University website figuring out courses and such. Tis lovely that I have no holds on my account. Seriously. so good! 

Worked then worked out. I killed it at the gym. I'm impressed with my determination sometimes. I'm really pushing myself. I have two appointments before I leave back to back. I will most likely regret this. 

I need to redye my hair buy some earrings and other things as well prep for my weekend ahead.

I found something today I thought I had lost. I want the other part back. And I hope I'll get it back

//

Summer Solstice.

As of 10:16 am today it is officially Summer. It actually felt and looked like today. I hung out with my friend Jacob had delicious mongolian grill ate some marble slab ice cream and walked the sea wall. What a great way to kick off summer.  It was brilliant sunshine up at work today and although I am slightly dreading the crowds in the summer I am still overall pleased with work and the money I'm making.


However being a team leader sucks. especially since with the title that would mean that I should get higher pay. But alas this is not the case. 


Yesterday i worked 8 hours then went to the gym for an hour then went to the mall. I am so exhuasted internet it's not even funny. However I have a more defined waist and plan to hit the gym at least 3 more times before I leave for PJ next Wednesday. 


That's right. Almost one week till Jamboree. I hope can blog a bit whilst I'm away though i shall be taking a journal with me like last time. I also hope this week i can update my flickr and prepare the copious amounts of photos I'll be taking whilst away at camp. 


The rest of the week has plans of work party hard and packing as well as a driving lesson and possible baby sitting. After that it's camp camp camp. I am le sad about missing a pay check but alas I shall survive. ....for now.


The song Feeling This has been on repeat on my Ipod for awhile now. As well as Awake my Soul. I think too much when I listen to music. I really need to stop.
//

Father's Day

Today is Father's Day. I am very lucky to have the father I have. As hard as high school was dealing with him. I wouldn't trade him for the world. 


I'm trying to reach out here. I'm trying to be a friend. Not sure why.But I'm trying . Especially cause of today.


It's been nice to have a couple days off from the gym. I went out Friday watched Green lantern which was a less then satisfying movie but Ryan Reynolds is super abliscious so it's ok. Then we bought liqour had a campfire and discussed Epic meal time in great detail. Then it became saturday i did some cleaning but mostly lazed about and went to a birthday dinner. Twas rather lovely. I got my Rover Shirt and went out for Ice Cream thereafter! 


I worked extra early today and not gonna lie work was a bit of a gong show. There wasn't enough staff and people kept bitching about the weather and I wanted to kill someone by the end of my shift. Seriously. We went out for dinner and my dad liked his Father's day present so all is well.


I came to a realization the other day. I'm terrified. I'm absolutely terrified. I'm terrified to date internet. Despite how I feel about a certain boy. I'm too scared. Why? Mostly due to the last break and several before. I always crush the guy. I feel like literally destroy them.


I hope this soon will pass....
//

Canucks (A Post About the Riots)

So let me start this off by saying. I AM NOT A BANDWAGONER. I don't LOVE hockey but nor do I hate it. I simply enjoy getting into the spirit. Same with the Olympics.

I truly thought our boys could do it. I really thought tonight we would finally take home the Stanely Cup. Sadly this not the case. As sad as I am about it there isn't much we can do. However for almost 3 hours it's been non stop news about the riots occuring downtown. Cars being set on fire. Tear gas. Rubber Bullets. Massive Crowds. The whole 9 yards.

I'm embarassed Internet. Although I am not "from Vancouver" I am embarassed to be referred to as a Vancouverite. People have told me this isn't as bad as 94 but this is still embarassing. I do appreciate however how the police were a bit more prepared but it still seems they are struggling to control the crowds as we speak. I'm actually thankful that I had to work today and missed the game. I really am.

I realize that this site isn't broadcasted that much and I doubt that any rioter will read these words but i say this. The people who had the intention to start a riot were going to do regardless of the outcome of the game. They are idiots and the lowest of the lows. I truly wish people weren't so awful here's hoping Darwin kicks in and changes that up. They have ruined the night and have tainted the reputation of canucks fans. Also to the various news stations  do not compare this to G20 that's just ridiculous.

//

Blink 182- Man Overboard

So sorry it's over So sorry it's over There's so much more that I wanted and There's so much more that I needed and Time keeps moving on and on and on Soon we'll all be gone Let's take some time to talk this over You're out of line and rarely sober We can't depend on your excuses Cause in the end it's fucking useless You can only lean on me for so long Bring your ship about to watch a friend drown Stood over the ledge Begged you to come down You can only lean on me for so long I remember shots, without a chaser absent minds thoughts, now you're a stranger Cover up the scars Put on your game face Left you in a bar To try and save face You can only lean on me for so long Bring your ship about to watch a friend drown Stood over the ledge Begged you come down You can only lean on me for so long So sorry it's over So sorry it's over There's so much more that I wanted and There's so much more that I needed and Time keeps moving on and on and on Soon we'll all be gone Man on a mission Can't say I miss him around Insider information Hand in your resignation Loss of a good friend Best of intentions I found Tight lipped procrastination Yeah later See you around (I think about a lot when I listen to this. Especially the last verse) //

Changes.

So I'm rather upset that I'm working nights but honestly seeing Vancouver lit up at night has got to be one the most spectacular views I've ever seen. It's just stunning. 


That being said I'm starting off my week rather productive. I've maintained my credit card debts and have been constantly checking and paying it off. I'd like to be debt free. As well yesterday i formally applied to switch to a Bachelor of Communications. This I am really excited about. If I am accepted into this program. (and I see no reason why I wouldn't be) I would get to intern in my 4th year whilst attending school. Now I realize that I probably won't graduate in 4 years and that's ok . It's frustrating but I'll deal. This degree is going to give me a lot of options and that pleases me greatly. 


I called Coastal sound and left a message. That's right internet. I'm getting back into singing. I really really really hope I can book audition and get in. being part of a Choir again would just complete the upcoming school year for me. Not sure how I'll manage 4 courses choir scouting and part time. But in Grade 12 I had 3 choirs scouting band and managed to survive. As well i managed to work and survive 1st year so i think with time management I can do it all.


I went to the gym again and although I'm stiff as anything I just keep thinking of the end result. I already feel better (Yay endorphins) and love my trainer. I'm going tomorrow and friday and hopefully a few more times before PJ. 


I'm getting organized and I feel rather content with my life. I still don't know what's missing but I'm gonna keep on living and not really worry about it. 


I ran into a friend yesterday whilst transitting home. In Grade 12 we were tight alongside another friend. We even made a trio name. We were all rather different but we got a long so well. It really frustrates me that not even a year out of high school he just didn't make enough effort to stay in touch. As selfish as this sounds I'm truly tired of forcing friendship and if you can't make an equal effort then really..what is the point?


In fact I'm having some issues with religion lately and how it's effecting my friendship. I'm trying to let it not. But it is.


I don't hate on my friend for losing touch in fact I called him out on it and he has a lot going on. And I know everyone does. but seriously I spent all of last summer trying to get a hold of him and he couldn't be bothered. We hung out once the 3 of us in the fall and I haven't hung out with him since. 


I should really put pants on. And eat something. I have a long night ahead of me
//

Party Like it's not your Birthday

A lyric from a really cheezie and really bad song. But I love it anyway.


So yesterday.....was interesting. I woke up went to the gym and had serious work out. I was seriously sweating and out of breath afterwards. But I don't care I'm stoked that I'm gonna be healthy and more fit. it shall be good times for sure! :) besides Leanne is a great trainer and I'm having fun.


After the Gym I went to a PCC Rover Event. I learned about the crew and I got to meet and hear from the Chief Commissionair  of Scouts Canada. He has some interesting thoughts on the organization and where it's going. I was pretty much almost recruited to join the PCC Rover Crew. But I'm not sure if it's the right place for me. But hey will see what happens in the fall.


Then I booked it back to Burnaby and partied with my friend Jessy. I made my first legal purchase and it was grand. We drank and watched a bunch of Animaniac cartoons. However I do feel somewhat awkward about some of the events that happened last night. We shall what happens now.


I have a long week a head of me or at least it feels that way. I'm working nights till Thursday which means I'll be missing the two final hockey games. As well as I have tentative camping and movie plans. After paying off a bunch of stuff Saturday I really want my next pay check.


At least the sun is out today. it's simply gorgeous
//

Is it something I'll regret? Why do I want what I can't get?

Oh Wendy Clear. I adore you. Seriously. One of my fav Blink songs. I've been kinda blasting them h-core since I scored the tickets.


So I went back to the gym yesterday had a serious ab busting work out. I'm also a bit tired from two night shifts. But here's to having an actual weekend off! And then it back to night shifts. Whoo.


I like my job internet. Don't get me wrong. I work with amazing people crazy supervisors and I meet interesting tourists every day. However when I work nights my close time varies the ignorant hikers piss me off and I hate the commute most days.


So i vow that come next January I search for a new job. One that doesn't require crossing a bridge. Anyways I went to the gym and the work out felt good. I actually toned a little already since when I did my body comp I lost 3 pounds. Yet I look at my pants and they say otherwise. Seriously belts need more holes. Or I need smaller pants. One of the two. Anyways. Determined to tone up. I know I can before PJ. I don't want rock hard abs. I just want a stomach in which I could get my belly button pierced. I've wanted it for ever. It's really rather sad but I didn't wanna get unless I had a slimmer stomach


So there's that.


Tomorrow gym a rover dinner and party hard. Then a family dinner the next day. Whoo. These whoos are slightly sarcastic. I need to pick up red bull or something for these night shifts I'm way too tired. Honestly. I don't do the whole night owl thing.
//

Working Hard

So work wasn't that bad. But boy am I tired. There's some potential for me to have two jobs this summer. But hey will see what happens.


I'm in a pickle internet. My heart is confused. I still harbour all this regret towards my break up which was over 9 months ago but at the same time it might have been one of the best decisions I've made. I still look at photos and go what went wrong? (just like the Blink song ) I'm not quite sure sometimes. I know that right at the beginning year I was changing and thinking differently. And he wasn't. He was staying pretty stagnant. Which is fine.


But it's not what I want.


I want goals and aspirations. I want plans that actually happen. Not things that we just talk about and say will do one day. I'm not saying will go to England. But will plan a romantic get a way. And that'll work.


So what do I do? nothing for now. When things are ready I know they'll fall into place. That being said. I know almost for sure that I'm falling in love. I can't even talk around him sometimes.


It's so refreshing and exciting.
//

Today already sucks and it's not even noon.

I didn't get a chance to shower due to the fact that my little sister slept in again and used up all the hot water. I lost my ear piece which I may or may not need today. And I just realized now that I forgot my work jacket which I just washed. Plus I had to shove a lady to move since she was taking up way too much space in the doorway. 
Ugh I just want work to go by quick and although I've been invited to go out. I am now in no mood to go out . At least I have the weekend to look forward to! in
//

Blink 182

So let me tell you about my day Internet. A lot of it had to do with this band. The band being Blink 182. First off I've liked these guys since I was around 13 years old (all to impress a boy of course typically me!) and haven't stopped. I found out about almost 2 weeks ago that they were coming to Vancouver. I scoured the internet for ticket listings. They finally popped up. Then I was hunting down for presale codes. It wasn't till this afternoon I noticed one. But I had already tried 4 different ones. But I went what the heck here we go. it worked. I searched for 4 tickets best avaliable section at the highest price. I got Floor Seats Internet. FLOOR! I've never been to a concert with floor seats! EVERRRRR! Not only that I'm paying for this myself! 


So come August 31st my life will be a whole lot more amazing.


Oh right.
The rest of my day.


I woke up and had waffles again. Seriously there like crack. I visited Central a little. it's being torn down soon. Man. I can't believe that. Come the fall there will be a new Burnaby Central. That's truly amazing.


Then on a whim I met up with Adrienne. I met Adrienne through my ex . In fact I know a lot of people cause of him. We've partied hard but never really hung out. It was nice to shop and just talk and just hang. seriously. I got a new wallet shirt and a boobies bracelet. Plus some salt spray for my ear. 


I hope to buy some new bars/rings for my ear come next pay check. Life is grand internet! It really is!
//

Let the Summer Begin

I woke up and had waffles . I'm not getting fat in fact I've maintained my skinnyness. All the walking I do really helps. Or so i feel. That being said I called my trainer and left a message. Here's hoping I can hit the gym up a lot before PJ. Which by the way I am SO EXCITED FOR! Oh my god. So stoked.


I then made impromptu plans with Ray. Man with everything we've gone through it's so great that we can still be friends. It pleases me. We went for poutine and then took our doggies for a walk . We chatted about everything. It was rather lovely.


Not sure what I'm doing tonight or tomorrow. I know however tomorrow I am not working. Or I am. Theres a bit of a shift switch going on at the moment. It's rather interesting.


Friends are interesting. They are on my brain a lot. More or less the friends who stick by me. and the friends who aren't changing and staying the same.


I'm changing Internet. This me becoming an adult. or trying to at least!
//

Said the Whale- The Light is You

Teddybear, honey bee
Don't forget that you love me
More than the stars over your head
It's just that your love shines like the moon
Full and bright and blinding through
Into my heart, into my head

When it's so dark I can't see the light
I close my eyes and I think of you
My little love, my only girl
I wouldn't leave you for all the world
I'll just sit here and wait for your moon to rise
When it's so dark I can't see the light
Well I close my eyes and I think of you

When it's so dark I can't see the light
Well I think of you
When it's so dark I can see the light
Shining through you


Said the Whale. The best friend Brad introduced them to me. So good!
//

Pink Floyd- Wish You Were Here

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? 
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground. 
What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.


This was our song. But I can listen to it without thinking of you. (Go me)
//

Heart

Wreck beach (Or an interesting 19th Birthday).

Yesterday was my best friends 19th. I mean best friend when i talk about a lot of people but Emily and I go way back. I've known her since the end of Grade 5. She would come over and stay the night randomly and we'd do everything together. So yesterday was her birthday. It had a late start since she changed her mind so I waited 2 hours and missed watching the game cause of it. We meet up she was already drunk we tried to get into the roxy but we were unsuccessful. So we wandered. The crowds were pretty redonk.


We go to Celebs. Then leave. Grab people then go back. I had 5 double long island ice teas. Then went we went to wreck beach. Soon it was 230 in the morning I can't find Emily or anyone. I searched and then just left. Course I didn't have enough cash to cab home and tried to convince the cab company whilst still slightly drunk. I then walked all the way from Wreck to West 10th. Emily called me asking where I went and I explained that the party just wasn't my scene. I couldn't really force her to leave and I pretty much did most of everything for her. I'd like to think after last night I'm a pretty awesome friend.


I don't hate last night but I didn't enjoy walking alone at night. There were froggy noises. Which was cool. and I saw the sunrise. which was awesome.


Life lessons were learned internet. So it's all good. In awesome news I got some new clothes my credit card is officially activated and I have now two days off. Most likely hanging with best friend Brad after game and consuming alcohol. it will be gts.


Maybe I'll have that tomorrow. or try a new drink. Who knows?


I also have serious room detoxing plans to do tomorrow as well. That's for damn sure.
//

Choir, Band, and Music itself.

I am a music student. Although I am not studying it University and College or pursuing it as a career. I still consider myself a music student. I've played piano since the age of 5, sang in Senior and Junior Choir in Elementary, sang in Concert Chamber and Womens choir as well audtioned and sang in BCMEA's 2008 honour choir and was a precussionist in band. I am a music student


Tonight I went to my sister's choir concert. I have to call them that since I am no longer a choir/music student. I felt such nostalgia tonight. It's only been a year but it's been an interesting year without music . I didn't have time for piano and I don't really consider myself good enough for a choral group. But god do I miss singing. I miss hitting highnotes and harmonies. I miss it all.


I hope this summer I can get back into piano and maybe try and do some singing in my life. Even if I'm just taking voice lessons with someone. Music brings me such joy and has inspired me in so many ways it's ridiculous. And don't mean that like the stereotypical person who says music is my life. It is everyones life I guess. But I mean I go to shows and research bands and now am trying to expand my music tastes even more. It's rather awesome.


I hope by this time next year I will have more music in my life. As it's something I am lacking and I truly miss.
//